Monday, May 31, 2004

Drug Knowledge

I just took a drug knowledge purity test. This is what it said:
You answered "yes" to 76 of 100 questions, with a total value of 84 points out of 116, making you 27.6% drug pure (72.4% drug corrupt).

I lost points for never going to jail and never getting caught. Oh, and for not selling my body for drugs.

Take it yourself!

want some pie?


find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com


Come here and eat me.

my zodiac personality

Discover your Zodiac Personality
Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me


I do drugs to escape from today. And I'm a cancer goddammit!

am I addicted to the internet? duh...



Are you Addicted to the Internet?

62%


Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)
While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury...




The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!



The 100 Acre Personality Quiz

So I took another quiz. Here are my results:


Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!


So I'm Winnie the Pooh, eh? A little slow? Hey fuck you. And you forgot that I need good drugs to be happy too!

man oh man

So...hi. There's so much on my mind right now, thoughts flying everywhere. And what am I doing? Trying to distract myself from thinking by cleaning and doing drugs. You know, the usual.

My head just started weirdly hurting. I think I'm really fucked up or something. I'm probably dehydrated as well - maybe I should drink some water. Man, I'm really tired for some reason. Maybe I'm just fucked up. I did work all day today...well, not all day, but like, a regular workday. I got up at around 7:40am (wow, I can't believe it) and was in town on time to catch the 8:40 bus! (That deserves some kind of recognition at least.) That's not as bad as having to get on the bus at 7:26, but still, I was happy.

Work went alright I suppose. I worked with someone who usually works at another one of our stores. I was really high when I got there, and then I got even higher when the new girl from next door came to visit me and we smoked a couple more bowls right after I got done smoking a couple bowls. It was pretty awesome. I talked to her for a long time - I wish I had more time to talk to her today. Next time, I hope.

I talked to my mom today. I'm flying down to LA in a couple of weeks to see my brother graduate from middle school. While I'm super excited to go down there and everything, this forces me to realize how fucking old I am. What the hell am I doing with my life? My brother is ten years younger than me, graduating junior high, and I'm doing what? I was supposed to be doing something by now. Something. Fuck.

I keep thinking about A. So much to say on this subject...I think I'll go wash my face. And then clean or something. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll force myself to actually process thoughts on this subject. But, we'll just have to see about that, now won't we.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

where is my mind?

Every time I go to write something, I get distracted in some way or another. That only happened about 50 times tonight...and now I'm tired and incredibly high. I kind of just want to lay down. Yeah yeah, I know, I said I'd write. Empty promises. Forlåt! Goodnight moon.

hey duder

I have been working all day, I'm kinda tired, and I want to get stoned. All day yesterday I was worrying about running out of weed before I got more, and it seems like today it's been falling all over me. I love when that happens.

I want to do something at least semi-productive for a little while (such as clean or something), and then I have tons to write about.

Toodles!

gay pirates

Wow, it's been so long since I wrote an actual entry. I guess I have just been occupied with other things the past few days, so I really haven't had much of a chance to write.

My friend is here right now, she's going to spend the night. We met in Berkeley earlier tonight and fucked around, and then we came back to my place and got high. Then we went for a walk. It was pretty good exercise - it's kinda hilly around my house. Then we did our toenails and I cooked dinner and we watched The Rules of Attraction. Man I love that movie. Now we're watching vh1 and she's lying on the floor wrapped up in a blanket. I'm probably keeping her awake actually, and I should be asleep already anyways. I'm going to set my alarm for 7am, since I have to work tomorrow. Suck. My nose really hurts goddammit. I want some ice cream.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Here's another one for the "what the fuck?" file...

Internet Boy 'Posed As Spy to Arrange Own Murder'

those naughty internet boys...

mmmmm, pizza

Ananova - New rules on pizza to be introduced

I'm weirdly tired

It's about quarter to 1, and I'm pretty tired. Like, physically I feel tired, but I totally don't want to go to bed yet. When I got home from work I cleaned my bathroom extremely throroughly, cleaned two of my pipes, and then washed some dishes and cooked myself some dinner. Unfortunately I didn't get home from work until about 7:45pm (which actually isn't that bad, I just hate working), so now it's already pretty late. Thank god I have tomorrow off...

Right now I feel too braindead to write. Maybe I'll write more in a bit?

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

this is pretty cool

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Venus clouds 'might harbour life'

I'm fucking tired dude. I just feel like passing out.

what is it with lunatics?

Busty Wilde was
a Charming Lunatic
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

my dj name...


Busty Wilde spins tunes as
DJ Divine Lunatic

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

gotta love mtv part III

The 'My Band' video again??? Oh my fucking god. I'm still not sick of it, I downloaded the fucking video from Kazaa for god's sake...but come on. Three times in about 2.5 hours? There have got to be other videos out there. What about that new Beastie Boys video, they haven't even shown that one once (but I wish they would). Or that annoying-ass Alisha Keys video, thank god.

What am I addicted to?

This one has a disclaimer at the top saying it's wrong. Yeah, yeah, it's wrong...and so are my results...

You're addicted to.....

Cocaine!
I pity you, Cocaine isnt a good thing to be
addicted to. One of the more expensive drugs out there and not to mention those damn nosebleeds. Get help now!

What are you addicted to?

Hey, I have to be up at 7am, why am I still awake? My coworker is picking me up at 8:15, bless her heart, so I don't have to get up at 6 instead and catch the bus at 7:26...

you have to take this quiz!

What's your sexual appeal? It's really funny. I especially like the question "What was your favorite subject in school?" I was all ready to click math (might I be a nerd? of course not!) when I saw that the last option is "I'm a cunning linguist." I totally say this in real life (yeah, I have a degree in linguistics...almost), so I had to pick that one. And I love the fact that YOUR MOM is an answer to more than one question.

So here are my results:

pervert
Pervert

Take it yourself!

gotta love mtv part II

Okay, now they're playing that same Outkast video again. Wtf?

I didn't mean to eat everything I cooked

but I did. Now I'm overly full and uncomfortable. :( Maybe I'll smoke some to ease the pain...

gotta love mtv

How else would I see the same video twice within a half hour? It's that new D12/Eminem video for 'My Band.' I'm sure a lot of people find it annoying but I love it...especially the salsa part at the end. I just love the serious way Eminem stares into the camera while holding that jar of salsa with the dog running by and singing those ridiculous lyrics. I want to be on whatever drugs he's on in that scene. Plus, I love those hot pink sock-tight things he's wearing. Gotta love him.

hah, the most ghetto test ever

Which slang word r u?

You're the slang word nigga. everyone and everything is one. please use carefully!

omg, awesome

Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?

Guess what I am!

HASH(0x891e22c)
You are SALUTE YOUR SHORTS. You are a wangsta who
knows business. You have fun in the sun and
know how to have a good laugh.

Mmmm

So I just cooked myself another meal. This cooking thing is actually pretty fun - I actually wanted to cook tonight instead of microwaving another frozen meal. Mushrooms, zucchini, bean sprouts, and onions over rice.

Tim came over tonight for a bit, which was cool. He and Patrick havn't been able to get any weed the past few days, so I've been having him come over to smoke with me (and to visit...I mean, we'd be smoking either way so it's all good). We watched the first hour and twenty minutes of The Swan pageant (gotta love Fox dude), and then we decided to go to Safeway real quick and come back in time to watch the end of the show. I thought I was only going to pick up a few things, but, since we smoked so much before we left, I totally kept getting distracted and wound up taking way too much time. Now I have way more than enough food for the next little while, so that's good. I kind of kept getting anxious because Tim was waiting for me and I was taking so long (one of my "things" is having people waiting for me - for some reason that totallly makes me start to panic), but I kept trying to push that out of my head.
[pause right here: I'd like to interrupt to say they're playing the Outkast 'Roses' video yet again. Sigh.]
We didn't get to watch the end of the Swan, which I guess doesn't really matter. I was kind of only watching it out of some sadistic pleasure I was getting. It made me feel really gross inside though...

I have therapy tomorrow. I'm definitely going to talk about what happened Thursday night, maybe I can get some help in dealing with it. Honestly I don't know what to make of it, but I seem to be best when I don't let myself think about it. I know that's not healthy at all though. We'll see.

I feel full, yet I totally want to eat more. Story of my life, eh? I think I just like to eat and have tasty things in my mouth.

Monday, May 24, 2004

So I love these dumb quizzes, obviously

Prepare for more, since I actually just searched for some.

In fact, here's one right now! (I linked to the one for women...if you're a guy, click on the one for men)

You are a Queen!
Beautiful, Wise, Strong
Righteous, Commanding, Humble

You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others.

Wow, I'm a queen. Surprise surprise.

What the fuck did he expect?

Ananova - Man sues guru over raw frog cure
An alternative medicine guru is being sued by a man who almost died after he was told to eat raw frog six times a day to cure a pain in his neck.

The man, identified only as Chen, went to the alternative medicine expert in China's Hunan province because of severe neck pains.

He was told to eat at least six raw frogs a day to get rid of the pain and had scoffed his way through 130 before he collapsed, complaining of stomach pains and headaches.

He is now suing after doctors discovered his body was riddled with parasites that had come from the frogs, the Xinhua agency reported.

...maybe he thought he'd shit a prince?

Are you anywhere?

I fucking love this type of stupid ass shit. The government makes up this propaganda to feed the American public like we're a bunch of idiots. Sad thing is, most of the American public is...

Street Terms: Drugs and the Drug Trade - ONDCP

Let's go get us a sandwich bag of rompums.

I still haven't done that oxy!

And I haven't done that word association either. Boy am I glad that I can keep myself entertained for hours late into the night with just some drugs and an internet connection. Guess you could say I'm easy.

Here we go!

  1. Sexy:: red hot
  2. Clique:: Mean Girls
  3. Pledge:: lemony fresh
  4. Carbs:: Atkins
  5. Dream Job:: music bigwig
  6. Sweeps:: supermarket
  7. Soundtrack:: Boogie Nights
  8. Hero:: He-Man (wtf?)
  9. Shave:: Terax
  10. Christina:: Aguilera


And here's another. (Dude I am definitely stoned, these word associations are way too fun right now.)

  1. Elastic:: rubber
  2. Intervention:: alcohol
  3. Risk:: chance
  4. Junk food:: chips
  5. Arrogance:: fuckers
  6. Responsibility:: run! run as fast as you can!
  7. X:: xxx
  8. Marshall:: Mathers
  9. Kill:: Bill
  10. Brother:: big


uh oh...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Wow, I had 3 "very high" ratings and 3 "high" ratings (after all, I am always high or very high...sorry, bad joke). But I guess I belong in level 7, where I can be extremely high.

the most recognized people

So I took this survey on that same site as the personality disorder quiz that asked if I recognized a series of 109 names. Here are the results of all the test takers. Does anyone else find it amusing that Marilyn Manson is more recognizable than both Bill Gates and Jesus? What the fuck.

I think I'll do another word association.

Personality Disorders

I just took this personality disorder test. Here are my results:

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:High
Dependent:High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



Look how bright and red that last one is...obsessive compulsive. Hell, I could have told you that. Actually I already did. Avoidant and dependent though, that's interesting.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Okay, honestly, I agree with the obsessive-compulsive disorder part. I might be moderatlely avoidant and dependent, but nowhere near the extremes described here.

Another interesting thing I realized while taking this test is how much I have changed over that last few months. A lot of the questions where I would have given one answer a few months ago totally don't fit me anymore. Like the ones asking if I'm scared of being alone. Was I at some point? Yes, definitely. Am I now? Definitely not. Shit like that. I guess that's cool. It's like I've become more sure of myself and my ability to take care of myself.

i'm a pothead

I'm not feeling quite as lethargic as I was a little bit ago, but I am still pretty stoned and kinda tired. I am almost (read: almost) motivated to clean up in my room. But, not quite. I somehow ate half of that pint of rock and roll ice cream, and even though I'm way full I still feel hungry. I just want to munch I think. I have a tiny amount of oxy left (definitely enough to get me fucked up)...I'm wondering if I should do it. I do have tomorrow off. Sounds tasty if you ask me. Let's get out the ol' mirror and razor. Too bad I don't have more, huh.

Do you ever read Craigslist? Sometimes there's really funny shit if you look in the cracks and crevices. I can't say I've looked anytime recently, but for some reason I just thought of it. Actually I know the exact reason...once I knew this stupid girl who bought drugs from a posting on craigslist. What a dumb ho. When I thought "I wish I had more oxy," I reminded myself of her buying morphine. People are fucking crazy man.

Maybe I'm crazy

...but I want to do another one!

  1. Vagina:: hahahaha, I'm sorry, but come on, this is supposed to be a random word association? Okay. Um, cunt.
  2. Racism:: vagina
  3. Mother's Day:: vagina
  4. Fire alarm:: sirens
  5. Elvis:: pelvis
  6. Pregnant:: vagina
  7. Vacation:: vagina (they start with the same letter)
  8. Waffles:: leggo my vagina
  9. Perpendicular:: to my vagina
  10. Hospital:: vulva


Sunday, May 23, 2004

I'm kind of bored

Maybe not so much bored, maybe I'm restless? I don't know. I just broke out the Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. I only like this mediocre ice cream because I like rock and roll, and I'm easily fooled by marketing techniques. Okay actually that was a distant reference to Mr. Show with Bob and David, the best comedy show EVER.

I decided to look back at that word associations web site to see if they had other lists from past weeks. Lo and behold, there is an archives link. I think I'll do another list. Here's the link if you want try for yourself. Or you can just comment to this post and leave your own answers. ;)

  1. Playoffs::
  2. Morris:: the cat
  3. Break up:: (insert name of my ex-boyfriend here)
  4. Eggs:: chickens
  5. Parker:: posey
  6. Hardy Boys:: Nancy Drew, duh
  7. Deluxe:: Yahtzee!
  8. Protection:: condoms
  9. Girl Scout:: cookies, mmmmm
  10. Salsa:: verde


Yum

I just cooked. Isn't that awesome? It's like I'm grown up or something. Hah. I sautéed some portabella mushrooms, green and red bell peppers, onions, and zucchini and made a little bit of pasta. It was so good, I wish I had some more. I'm so glad I'm able to cook again (in other words, I'm so glad I finally cleaned my kitchen area to the point where I can cook).

I'm suddenly paranoid that the 'Anonymous' person who sometimes posts comments is my mom. I wonder if I should be worried?

Saturday, May 22, 2004

fuck

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. The bus comes at 8:40am, so I should probably get up at about 7:30. Who knows if I'll actually get up at that time, but it's not like I need sleep or anything after the 18 hours I slept last night. Shit, I've been awake for less than 10 hours and I already feel like I need to go back to bed. I'm working with someone I really like...and it's only 10-5. And she doesn't mind if I'm high. At least, she doesn't act like she minds. I hope I don't work Monday. Have I mentioned how much I need a car and how much I hate the bus?

word associations

I found this website with a list of 10 words you can do word associations with. Do it yourself.

  1. Finale:: final
  2. Martial arts:: karate
  3. Flirt:: hot pink
  4. Energy:: wild
  5. Flavor:: sour
  6. Guess?:: what
  7. Accomplishment:: for some reason i really can't think of anything to write here, i just get this empty feeling inside. how sad.
  8. Prom:: dress
  9. Diploma:: fuck
  10. Bloody:: mary


hahahaha

Bush Takes Tumble During Bicycle Ride (you might have to register to read anything on this website, so I'll paste the article at the end of my post)

I'm sorry but this is extremely amusing to me. Read the entire thing, it's pretty short. Seems like Bush is a bit of a bumbling idiot, eh?

But hey, check out that part about John Kerry falling while snowboarding. They should use that in ads to get young people to vote for him and get Bush out of the White House.


Bush Takes Tumble During Bicycle Ride
President Unhurt, Completes Course
By Dana Milbank
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, May 23, 2004; Page A10


AUSTIN, May 22 -- President Bush, always a bit star-crossed in his leisure pursuits, suffered a new misadventure in athleticism Saturday when he fell off a bicycle.

The president was in mile 16 of a 17-mile course on his ranch in Crawford, Tex., when he fell from a mountain bike, suffering scrapes and scratches on his chin, upper lip, nose, right hand and both knees. But, true to form, Bush stayed the course: After getting cleaned up by the White House doctor, he completed his bike ride.

Trent Duffy, a White House spokesman, immediately offered excuses for his boss. "It's been raining a lot, and the topsoil is loose," he said. In addition, Duffy reasoned, "He likes to go all out. Suffice it to say he wasn't whistling show tunes." Fortunately, Duffy reported, Bush was wearing a helmet and mouth guard.

The spokesman warned that Bush probably would be wearing a bandage on his chin when he arrived here Saturday night for a party for his daughter Jenna, who is graduating from the University of Texas this weekend.

For the president, there is something of a history of hapless encounters with sporting activities.

Years of running gave him two bum knees that have periodically left him limping his way to Air Force One. In December, doctors at Walter Reed Army Medical Center examined him with X-rays and magnetic resonance imaging and, finding some damage to both knees, recommended "cross training."

In other words, exercise such as mountain biking.

In January 2002, Bush was on the third floor of the White House residence, watching a football playoff game between the Baltimore Ravens and Miami Dolphins when he choked on a pretzel. This caused him to faint and fall, bruising and scraping his face. Bush was accompanied only by dogs Spot and Barney.

Then, in June 2003, Bush was visiting his parents at the family compound in Kennebunkport, Maine, when he fell from a motorized Segway scooter. Bush, who was holding a tennis racket that may have interfered with his coordination, did not hurt himself -- but the incident was captured by photographers and quickly beamed across the world.

Athletic miscues are a bipartisan affair, of course. Bush's Democratic challenger John F. Kerry has, during the current campaign, fallen off a bicycle and taken a nasty spill while snowboarding. He blamed the Secret Service for the latter.

Bush's close calls predate his ascension to the presidency.

During the campaign in 1999, he scraped his right leg and hip when a truck trailer overturned near his jogging path in Austin. Bush dived for cover when chunks of concrete and wood were dumped behind him.

Around the same time, Bush went swimming in the pond on his ranch with his advertising strategist when the two men spotted cottonmouth water moccasins -- the only type of poisonous water snake in North America. That time, at least, Bush was not snakebit.


© 2004 The Washington Post Company

Safeway

So I met my friend in the village (it's a real village!) and we went to Safeway. Then we had to walk up the fucking hills to my house carrying our groceries. That always makes me think I'm out of shape...but really I think maybe I smoke too much (and I'm out of shape). Not fat, just unable to walk up hills while carrying about 10 pounds without breathing heavily. But hey, whoever said heavy breathing was bad?

I'm stoned. We got high when we got home, which definitely eased the trauma from walking. I realized as soon as leaving Safeway that I have no oil or anything to fucking cook any of the vegetables I bought in. Damn. I guess I'll just get high and eat some frozen lasagna instead.

I got a friendly reminder in the mail today that it's time for my annual pap smear! Yay, I can't wait. I hope they don't drug test me. I mean, it's the same doctor that prescribes me cannabis (hah) so I don't think THC in my system would be a big deal, but maybe other things would...?

Bush Announces ‘Operation Iraqi Re-freedom’

"The president also revealed that U.S. forces were currently re-erecting a statue of Saddam Hussein to be re-toppled upon their July 1 return."

You can’t drill me if you can’t find me! I'm the gingerbread man!

BOROWITZ report.com

Yes or no?

Should I actually put pics of myself up here? What do you think? I don't want to incriminate myself, you know?

So no shower yet...

...but at least I'm stoned. Right?

So yesterday, this guy Patrick who used to work down the street from me until he got fired about a week ago came back to the store to visit me.  He worked at Noah's, and I guess his boss accused him of taking $600. Did he do it? I don't know, he says he didn't but who knows. He just turned 18 a few weeks ago, and he has 420 tattooed on his left wrist, which I think is all too awesome (but what about when he "grows up" and wants to join the "real world"?). Last week, the day he got fired (maybe it was Tuesday or something, I honestly don't remember), he ended up getting super drunk and passing out in our backyard. (Our store shares a backyard with Ritz Cameras.) I had given the Ritz guys a disposable camera I took from their store to develop for me (for free, naturally) and Patrick took like every single picture that had me in it. Anyways, when he showed up yesterday randomly, he happened to open his wallet for something and the first picture in his little plastic picture thing that people stick in their wallets was me. ME. As in, one of the pictures of me he stole he took the time to cut to that size and put it in his fucking wallet. I totally have some weird effect on people...honestly this isn't even out of the ordinary for a day in my life. Like the day when the random guy on outside my work came up to me and was staring at me, so I yelled at him "Um, do I KNOW you?" "No," he said, "but now I have your picture!" he said as he took my picture and ran away. He returned the picture of me to me about a month later, which his number on the back. However, it had been crumpled kind of like he was squeezing it in one hand as he jerked off with the other. See what I mean?

Thursday, May 20, 2004


This is a picture of Kim Deal I took with my cell phone last month when I saw her play with the Breeders in San Francisco. She is so awesome!! Posted by Hello

I'm still awake

Shit dude. Now it's like 12:40am and I'm still up. I think I'll go wash my face. Right now I'm smoking a bowl and listening to some Missy Elliott. I'll be back, most likely.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Kim just left. It's about 11:30, and I have to get up by 6am tomorrow. Hopefully I will actually get up instead of letting my alarm go for about 2 hours before I decide to do something about it. I guess that means I shouldn't do any oxy before bed, that tends to make me especially comatose the morning after. Unless I get to sleep for at least 12 hours, that is. I'm going to try to be in bed by midnight (which seems doubtful to me, but let's think positively) so I can be up by 6 and leave the house at around 7:15 to catch the bus at 7:26. Then I will be at work at around 8:26, which will give me time to get coffee, count the money, and maybe do a line or two in the back room. Haha, just kidding.

So I cleaned up my kitchen area a lot and finally took the double burner I bought out of the box. I cooked for the very first time since I've moved in here! It was very exciting. Simple, but exciting. I made some pasta - I was just excited to be able to have clean dishes to do that, let alone a clean countertop and space to do anything. Yay.

I'm smoking a bowl and I just did a line...I think I'll do something productive for about the next 5 minutes.

So I took a shower. A really long one, it was like 45 minutes long. I would have stayed in longer, probably, except the hot water supply was rapidly diminishing. I shaved my legs, but only until just above the knee. Again, I would have gone all the way up had there been more hot water. Oh well. What's up with that anyways?

I can't believe it's already after 6:30. I feel like I wasted another whole day. I really should clean up something in my room. I realized last night as I was pulling pots and pans from a box that I packed all my shit up just about a year ago now. And I'm just unpacking pots (I still have a lot more boxes) so I can wash them (who knows about using them). Hmm. It makes me think maybe I don't really need all the stuff I have in boxes if I've gone a year without it and still have no motivation to unpack anything. I should sell everything, maybe make a little bit of cash. That would rule.

Okay, I have to go get dressed and whatnot. I don't know why I feel the need to update this everytime I do something today, but, you know, whatever.

Can I just say that I have great tits?

So, it's 4:30 on Wednesday afternoon. I just got up about a half hour ago - 3:54 on my alarm clock to be exact. Yes, I had set the alarm for noon...and I repeatedly hit snooze until I actually got up almost 4 hours later. Nothing unusual for me there.

Thank god I have the day off - I worked six days in a row before today. And let me tell you, that sucked. Working retail that many days in a row, I start to hate people, hate their questions, hate their comments, their clothes, their attitudes...but I still love their money. I wish I could just take all their money. And oh do I try.

I'm trying to decide what to do right now. My choices are shower, sit here and fuck around on the computer, sit here and do something other than fuck around on the computer, or maybe not sit here but not shower and instead clean my room or something. And my room really, really needs to be cleaned. I don't know what it is with me. I have some kind of aversion to cleaning my room. More than most people. It's not like I just don't like cleaning, because I do...I think there's some kind of psychological issue going on here. I tried bringing it up in therapy like 2 weeks ago but I wasn't really sure how to explain myself. But she definitely agreed it's the opposite end of the OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) spectrum from where I used to be. Ah, the brain. How much fun you are to deal with sometimes.

I think I'm going to hit my pipe and see what happens and where I end up.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

So here I am, yet again. Up way too late, yet again. It's times like these when I think to myself, what the fuck am I doing with my life? Do I have any direction whatsoever? Then I usually hit my pipe if it's around to shut those voices up. No seriously, I am worried about myself. How the fuck is it already almost June of 2004? Why the fuck am I still working at a retail job I took "temporarily" last August? I mean sure I've been promoted a few times and now I'm assistant manager, so I guess that's a reference at least. Right? Sigh. Where's my pipe? A friend suggested to me (a few times now) that I volunteer as a counselor and work with troubled kids or something. That would let me work with people and help them, and plus it might help me get into grad school. Which is totally what I want to do at this point, but I feel like I wouldn't have the best application. Yeah, I know I'd be great for whoever wants me, but how the fuck am I supposed to prove that within the narrow guidelines they use for choosing people? Someone else might look better on paper, when I know I'm better. Or am I? Of course I am. I guess I have some kind of direction. Grad school, straight ahead. I feel like there's so many little pieces of my life that I have to take care of before I even decide on a direction. Maybe that's just how I fool myself into thinking everything's okay and I can be immobile forever. I don't want to grow up. Maybe people feel like that their entire lives, that there are so many things that need to be taken care of before they can move forward in their lives. Maybe not. I guess I need to just go forward - as in, decide what I want to do with myself and then start going towards that - and take care of all the little pieces along the way, instead of just pausing everything. But seriously, I think I needed some time to regroup and collect my life and thoughts and everything and take a break from everything. Decide what I want to do with myself right now and in the future. Obviously I don't want to do retail my entire life. I'm better than that, and besides that, retail sucks. I would, however, own a business. And I would definitely not run it the way the owners of the company I work for run theirs. Let's just leave it at that. Okay, so what do I want to do? Go to grad school. Pay my outstanding bills. Maintain my intelligence and sanity.

That was a long flow of thought...one which flows through my mind every day at least a few times. I don't even know if it made sense. Wow I have so much to talk about.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Peaches

Boy am I high. I had to work today, which sucked, but really it wasn't all that bad. It was pretty slow so I didn't get stressed out like I all too often do.  Then I came home and took some oxy, and smoked some pot, and did some more oxy, and smoked some more pot, and I'm still continuing the cycle. The weird thing about me and oxy is that instead of making me feel all lazy and tired, it makes me want to get up and do shit. I've already cleaned some dishes (which seriously is a huge accomplishment for me) and started cleaning the bathroom. Let's talk about that for a moment. I have this problem where I get easily distracted...I always want everything clean, so I start cleaning one thing and then realize something else needs to be cleaned so I'll start doing that and then I wind up starting so much that nothing ever gets done. Then it looks worse than it did to begin with. Sigh. This is something I need to work on.

I went to this crazy concert on Friday night at the Fillmore. Peaches. I honestly still don't know what I think about it. All week I was wondering what the fuck to expect...and when we finally got there (Tim and I), I probably couldn't have even imagined the diversity of the crowd. I don't really feel like going into it right now. But, it was interesting, to say the least. Don't get me wrong, her music is great. I think really I was just wishing I had some certain drugs...

I'm all itchy.


Okay, another quiz. I saw this one and I just had to take it - I love that little happy bunny, I keep buying more shit with him/her on it. How funny.

I feel really fucked up right now, I think maybe I did too much oxy. By too much I mean like more than I would usually do so I feel more fucked up than I am used to.

Here's the quiz.

you're so dumb
you are the "you're so dumb" happy bunny.
you are brutal in your words and enjoy putting
others down.


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Where's my snare?

Okay, I just took another dumb quiz.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?

Gangsta Bitch!
You're Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You're tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

I guess that's cool. What a stupid quiz though.

What childhood toy from the 80s am I?

speak and spell
You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Check it out, yo.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

My typical day is such a rollercoaster of emotions. What the fuck dude. On one hand I totally want to go into it and write all about it right now, and on the other hand I just want to snort some more oxy. Sigh. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.

I'll write more in a little bit. Maybe. I do want to, I have a ton to say.

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