man oh man

So...hi. There's so much on my mind right now, thoughts flying everywhere. And what am I doing? Trying to distract myself from thinking by cleaning and doing drugs. You know, the usual.

My head just started weirdly hurting. I think I'm really fucked up or something. I'm probably dehydrated as well - maybe I should drink some water. Man, I'm really tired for some reason. Maybe I'm just fucked up. I did work all day today...well, not all day, but like, a regular workday. I got up at around 7:40am (wow, I can't believe it) and was in town on time to catch the 8:40 bus! (That deserves some kind of recognition at least.) That's not as bad as having to get on the bus at 7:26, but still, I was happy.

Work went alright I suppose. I worked with someone who usually works at another one of our stores. I was really high when I got there, and then I got even higher when the new girl from next door came to visit me and we smoked a couple more bowls right after I got done smoking a couple bowls. It was pretty awesome. I talked to her for a long time - I wish I had more time to talk to her today. Next time, I hope.

I talked to my mom today. I'm flying down to LA in a couple of weeks to see my brother graduate from middle school. While I'm super excited to go down there and everything, this forces me to realize how fucking old I am. What the hell am I doing with my life? My brother is ten years younger than me, graduating junior high, and I'm doing what? I was supposed to be doing something by now. Something. Fuck.

I keep thinking about A. So much to say on this subject...I think I'll go wash my face. And then clean or something. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll force myself to actually process thoughts on this subject. But, we'll just have to see about that, now won't we.