i'm so tired

Why do I feel so fucking tired? I think I'm getting sick or something. Boy, I have so much to say. Pass that dutch. But will I really say anything at all? My left hand is hurting for some reason - not really my hand, but more like the bottom of my ring and middle fingers. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but it sucks.

I wonder if I will ever be censored for anything I write in here, or have my shit removed. You know, for like, talking about drugs and whatnot. That would suck. Whoa! You said drugs! Drugs are cool.

I seriously wish more than anything that I would fucking get up and clean my room. Why the lack of motivation? Could it be the pot? No. Really I think it isn't. Some kind of psychological block or something preventing me from cleaning. My room is a complete disaster though, shouldn't that be enough motivation? One would think so. Not me, though.

I'm hella lit.

in pain

My neck hurts so much. :( If I was rich I would go see my chiropractor 1-2 times a week like I used to and also go see a masseuse. I'm so tense and tight for some reason. It sucks ass dude, being in pain all the time. And I'm only 23. Although lately everytime I look in the mirror I feel like I'm about 34. I'm getting high. Let me take another hit right now and I'll report the results.

More thunder and lightning!

Yay! This is so cool. And I still haven't even gotten high yet. I should post after I take each hit.

I know I'm posting a lot today/right now. Maybe I'm making up for lost time. Maybe I'm just in a crazy mood. Maybe both. Maybe I want to get high. Well, duh, of course I do.

[INHALE]

[EXHALE]

What am I listening to? The Toadies. Remember the Toadies? Hehe. Do you wanna be my angel?

thunderstorms

Okay, I totally thought an earthquake was about to start. Turns out it was just really loud thunder. How awesome! We never get thunderstorms. I remember when I was a little girl and I used to stay with my grandparents out on Long Island for the summer, I loved it when there were huge thunderstorms. My Nana would always come wake me up if it happened to be the middle of the night, and the power would go out and we would watch the sky flicker and listen to the house shake. It was so much fun. I hope my power doesn't go out now, I just thought about that. But what a motherfucking crazy storm this is right now. My windows are hella rattling. This is so awesome. My weather report looks like this: showers, showers, showers, showers, showers, showers...times like 37 or some shit like that. And I totally have to open the store tomorrow at 9, which means leave house at like 7:10am...ugh. Plus, I left my umbrella at work. Maybe I will just call a cab tomorrow. This morning walking to the bus stop in the pouring rain was fucking hell dude - it was like walking in a river. But it wasn't so bad really, I just got super stoned and, like, separated my mind from my body during that time. I must have, it's the only way I could have dealt with that shit. Being rained on and all that. Praise the almighty jesus for my marijuana.

Written in stone...

I am so fucking cold dawg. I have so much to write about, if i so desired...I suppose I would need to use my discretion to decide what exactly I want to write, what I want "out there." It's like once I formulate thoughts and feelings into actual words - and write them down somewhere, no less - it just makes them that much more concrete. If I wanted to say that I was wrong or mistaken and I never thought or felt a certain way, now I can't. Putting shit out there makes it harder to deny later. And plus there's less mystery. Does that even make sense? I sound like a crackhead, and I haven't even hit my pipe yet. No, not my crack pipe. I don't even have one of those. I mean my mari-ja-wana pipe. I haven't hit my pipe since earlier, with Krislyn. What a crazy kid that chick is.

Chaos

I feel like my life is a chaotic mess. This feeling is represented well by my living quarters - random shit everywhere, not put away, making it impossible for any forward movement or progress. Similarly, random issues and thoughts and worries are cluttering my mind. I guess I'll just take another hit from my pipe and try to forget, once again. I think I'm going to go get some food, and when I come back I'll sit here and write. I promise.

Btw, I think the whole world is nuts right now...like there must be some kind of odd alignment of the stars and planets making the beginning of this year of the monkey super freaky. Yow.

Rebeginning

I feel like starting anew.