negative energy
I've been so stressed out lately that I haven't even been able to blog. I've been thinking that if I did I would just write a whole bunch about my stress and anxiety and moods (which is all coming from other people, mind you) and I really didn't want to get into it, but fuck it. I can't hold it in anymore.
The main thing on my mind right now is my friend I talked about in a few posts back, the one being physically, emotionally, and mentally abused by her boyfriend/fiancé. She's actually getting married to him this Sunday, and it's driving me insane. I was supposed to be in her wedding, but I told her there was no way I could feel right about it since I hate him more than anything right now. Then I wasn't even going to go to the ceremony, but I decided I should be there since she's my friend. Plus, my boyfriend wants to go so we can make the asshole feel uncomfortable (my boyfriend has already threatened him in the past, so this should be interesting.) It's all the way in Tahoe, though, so we'll have to drive like 2.5-3 hours to see a 15 minute ceremony of something I don't want to happen, and then what? I guess I'll gamble the rest of the time? I don't even know. The weird thing is that I don't actually feel stressed out, but I know I am because all my little analities about cleaning and stupid details are totally showing themselves, which is what happens when I'm very anxious at a deep level. I know I can't control her life or what she chooses to do, but it's just SO obvious to me (well, everyone really, except for her) that's making a terrible life decision. This guy is such an asshole dirtbag - he's already gone to jail for beating up his two previous girlfriends, and now he's onto his third. She's obviously not bothered by that, though, and there's nothing I can do about it. Her decision is made, her family has flown out for the wedding, and everything's going full speed ahead. She knows how I feel and has even said that if the situation was reversed and it was me in her situation, she'd wonder what the fuck was wrong with me. I guess their fighting got pretty bad a few weeks ago and she came to stay with me for a night, but she went back the next night because he was threatening to kill himself (in other words, he was manipulating her). He's also started bringing me into their stupid drama - sometime last week at like 5am he text messaged me from her phone pretending to be her and said "sorry, but we can't be friends anymore - I need to work on my relationship with Mike." What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? Jesus. What a fucking idiot. Both of them, really. She knows the situation she's putting herself in and how he treats her - and yet she wants to stay. I really just don't understand at all. I can't understand. I've tried and tried, but no. I can't let myself feel bad for her anymore, because she's doing this to herself. I'll be there for her when she needs me, like when he beats her into a bloody pulp and needs to go to the hospital, but other than that I'm not getting involved anymore. I can't deal with it.
My apartment is getting pretty clean, though.
Well, I should go, we gotta go sell weed to some actress shooting a movie up here.
posted by Busty Wilde at 6:14:00 PM
8 Comments:
aww, that was too sweet (the message from fistingchamp).
that totally sucks about your friend. it's really frustrating to watch someone you care about make stupid decisions and knowing that you cannot do anything about it. and no matter how hard you try to 'not care' about it anymore, it just doesn't work that way. i can see (read/feel) how much you care about her and i am the same way with my sister. i have to just sit back and watch her fuck her entire life up and there is nothing i can do. well, i could have helped her, if she would have listened to me and let me help her. it makes me so mad that sometimes i feel like i just want to punch her in the face and shake her silly until she sees the mistakes she is making. (i've never hit anyone before, but if hitting her would really help, i would have done it).
well, i hope all goes well at the wedding.
Geez...you are doing the best thing you can do, voicing your opinion to her, supporting her as your friend and keeping the hell out of it for your safety and sanity...that's all you can do Busty. Hopefully she won't be too battered before she comes to her senses. And I hope there aren't any children involved.
FC - I love you too, baby.
Sandra - It's amazing how you always seem to understand exactly how I feel when I write. I really do feel like this girl is my sister, and like you said, I wish I could just smack her upside the head or something so she'd realize how stupid she's being! But, unfortunately, that's not how things work...
Binsk - thanks. I know I'm doing everything I can, but I still feel like it's not enough. Thankfully there aren't any children involved, yet.
As a guy who cannot tolerate violence against women, I feel for you and your friend. I've done a few girlfriend extractions in my day (you know helping a girl moveout or leave their piece of crap boyfriend/fiance/husband) and the guys always try the whole "baby, don't leave me or I'll die" type thing.
I just wanted to say, you did the right thing by supporting her at her wedding but at the same time making sure the asshole felt awkward.
I didn't said, I say...
Maybe it's tough what I think, but...
I've been thought about it and become to me that she might kinda like it...
I know, I know, it's though, but I really mean that...
I've seen other situations (fortunately not much) and sometimes it just could happen a kind of symbioses between them...(I'm ashamed, believe me).
I only hope that I'm wrong and I also hope that you don't get into the vortex, because I think, contrarily to you, you've done a big deal by supporting she and give her your best help.
{|) a kiss...
woho- you and the fistmeister together? am i completely clueless?
that sucks about your friend- i hate it when people just don't see things for the way they really are, but it also makes me think- does anyone i know think i am as big of a moron as (fill in the blank). she's got to make her own choice, as shitty as it will turn out.
Sorry to hear about your friend. That is a really fucked up situation. Maybe reality wil smack her in the face as she is standing at the alter and she will back down. Eishful thinking, but I hope that things work out for her. Just remember you are being the best friend you can be to her.
you ever going to come out of retirement?
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