where is all this sickness coming from?

Physical sickness, I mean. That I possess, not the sicknesses of the world or anything. I'm not in the mood to be that deep right now. It's like, I had the flu, I felt better yet retained my gross phlegmy cough, then yesterday at work I was throwing up and now today I'm all weak and I have no voice. And the lack of voice isn't even from throwing up, it's like, I'm all sick in my chesty. (Yes, I realize I meant "chest," but that was a typo and I thought it sounded funny. My chesty. Heh.) I feel like I have an ear infucktion too. Goddammit. God damn them all!

On top of being sick still...what else. My desk is a fucking terrible mess. Dr Pepper cans and water bottles and pot ashes from, well, smoking pot and my little desk calendar about face-reading on the wrong date and...I could go on, but who cares, really. To do lists from last month, nailpolish and hairclips, crushed red pepper packets. Melted candles, linen spray, used batteries. What have I turned into? I guess I've just been too busy living instead of cleaning up after myself. Nothing wrong with that, right? Weird how I actually typed "right" in the position of "wrong" the first time I typed that sentence...hmm, maybe that's a sign. What's weirder is that I'm usually obsessively anal (heh heh, I said anal). Especially at work - I drive people nuts. Maybe my room is my "safe place" to get away from that anal feeling. But I hate it, I hate it so much. I'm hoping I'll re-read this post and see everything I said about the shit on my desk, and feel bad about it and then want to clean it. So far, it's not working. Damn.