I'm tired

I can't sleep. I'm having a little bout of insomnia. I'm up just fucking around wasting time, dreading the thought that I need to be up in 3ish hours to begin getting ready for work. I haven't been getting more than a few hours of sleep lately, which sucks, yet surprisingly I'm relatively unaffected by this. I'll probably end up getting sick in some way or another. I wish I had my yoga ball here, I'd roll around on it or something...my back and neck are feeling sore. I went to work today and I was actually in a pretty good mood, at least considering my current situations regarding my love life/friends/job/everything.

Every time I feel like I start to feel like I have a grasp on things in my life, I suddenly feel like everything is spinning out of control. Maybe that's just me though, going from one extreme to the other, back and forth and back and forth...and then back again. I need some element of stability. I don't even think I'm making sense right now, at least in terms of fluidness (fluidity?) - I'm just stringing sentences together, each representing another thought that hits me as I type. Of course, each sentence makes sense on its own, but I just don't really feel like I have the energy to elaborate on any one particular thought, or even bridge some kind of connection between each thought. I wonder if that even makes sense. Maybe I'm just crazy.

I told someone that I care immensely for that I can no longer carry on our relationship in the current manner. This was just a few days ago. I feel like it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I've been having a hard time dealing with it since then. It's like I have a huge, gaping wound, too infected to even begin to heal, causing me to writhe around in pain. This person is (was?) the love of my life, someone I would do absolutely anything for...including staying with him, pretending we are together, when he really wants nothing of the sort. I finally came to terms with my extreme unhappiness with the situation, and I decided that I ultimately need to remove myself from it until things change. I realize I've been waiting too long already, so I don't even know what I mean exactly by the "until" in the previous sentence, but I can't plan my emotions around nonexistent happenings - I'm sure I'll react accordingly as events pan out.

Fuck. I think I'll lay down now and attempt to sleep once again. Wish me luck.